making love

Reading on in the book The Female Brain some more ( see this blog post for a first entry), I felt an increase in ‘wonderment’ building up, yesterday.

What gets described to be the normal development patterns in human beings, stemming from difference in the male/female brain setup crept up to my MIND as having an illogical, inconsistent, counterproductive and hugely dissatisfying quality to them.

While reading about:

• (normal) developments and occurrences within female puberty 
• (normal) developments and occurrences  within patterns of long term romantic relationships
• (normal) developments and occurrences  within sex life
• (normal) developments and occurrences  within the mommy brain

I was highly intrigued, call it deeply fascinated  in the matter, in two ways..

The way of : immediate fun.

I avidly take on board all available information on what goes on ‘under the bonnet’ in the developments of a human being, individually and in social context.

“What room to manoeuvre has a person has when it comes to Managing Information on (their own) New developments?” is my passion, I love playing with that theme on all angles I can find.
On this occasion delving into information coming from a biological /medical point of view , based on biological indicators that could be measured, gives me information I wasn’t aware of.

The way of: increasing discomfort.

I was also increasingly experiencing inner turbulence, reading this material.
Quite frankly, bordering on ‘ feeling existentially threatened’, in places.

What I was reading about the behavioural outcomes  and emotional consequences for people when brain patterns and automatically produced gushes of hormones rule their life to such an enormously high extent, pinged with red alert on my empathic-antennas.
What was described in words, came vividly to ‘live’ when I was feeling into it. Being a highly sensitive empath, I feel the ‘charge’ behind the words deeply within myself and this charge was ‘no fun’.

I found it really difficult to reconcile the upbeat tone of the writing ( ‘look what beautiful things we have discovered about what it means to being a human being) ‘ with the overall impression of such a human being experience being  hugely :

• Distressing
• Unsatisfying
• Disappointing
• Difficult to deal with

…. for both men and women.

Of course there is the understanding that if a person can’t function within normal parameters anymore, ‘we’ now know which hormone(s) can be given to make sure the person can function normally again.
Much to the relief of the individual, the people they live with and the doctor. ….of course. So I do understand and resonate with that being ‘ happy news’.

But the overall question:” Is this really normal?”, in terms of:” Is a human being actually designed to function like this?” stuck with me and didn’t let go.
 “Is this really viewed to be the normal, natural way things work really well!”?

The chemical/biological angle on explaining the developments in human behaviour, that was now added onto my palette, didn’t seem to mix harmoniously with any of my joyful, lively understandings on human developments.

I found that 'red alert' exclamation quite hard to believe, so I wondered…..

And when I wonder how two seemingly opposing truth can both be important element to seeing another truth ( both…. and….) I see possibilities that do resonate on 'aliveness'.

This morning, on waking up, I knew exactly how the two can blend and work well harmoniously.
And… being shown this both….and… possibility, opened up right away a world of understanding more about it.

With more insights on how we can give a joyful boost to this knowing-what-it-means-to-be-a-human-being canvas of life, using both the natural strengths of the MIND and the hormonally inspired brain-waves.

The key information that lead to making the connection between my understandings and the insights given in the book was these two observations about love-life I read in the book.

• To a man fore-play is about three minutes before having sex, for a woman, it is the 24 hours leading up to ‘the act’.
• In a man’s brain, thoughts of ‘physical sex’ occur ‘ all the time’

I shall not go into too much detail on all the snippets of information that lead up to the following line of thought… it is simply too much.

• read the book the Female Brain, for detailed info on the brain chemistry side of things, 

• read my website www.1ucompany.com and the blogs it links to, to know more about the angles I fly.

Things started to shift in perspective, made more logical sense (with me), following this line of thought:

What if…
there is a higher motivation, to all involved, than ‘ survival of the fittest’?

What if…
the core motivation of life -itself is found in ‘ the evolution of increasing consciousness’ ?

What if…
that ‘succeeds’ best when based on ‘all that the mother is’ and ‘all that the father is’?

What if..
the daily off-spring of life is ‘ more experience’…… ‘new ideas’?

What if…
the success indicator to the development of this is ‘more consciousness’…and …. ‘more joy’.. ?

What if…
that this is about more, stronger and better ( both physical and meta-physical) connections between all that is?

What if….
partners that were coupled by ‘ life’ because their brains did see an excellent opportunity for a long term fulfilling relationship, find out, after a couple of months of ‘daily trying’ for offspring, in the reality of real modern day life, this deep (soul-) longing being thwarted, despite …being according to the Universal Intelligence behind it all, being perfect for each other?

What if..
that (deep down being perfect for each other) explains why they keep trying, despite growing physically and emotionally ‘apart’ because the effects of the differences get in the way?

What if…
 it was NOT the difference in the male/female take on life, sex and making love that thwarted what they came for to experience in the relation ( and in life)?

What if….
it WAS the mutual or one sided agreement on priorities in life ( that deviates from the natural setup) that thwarted the real purpose of their relationship?

What if…
agreeing on prioritizing personal  ‘input’ and ‘output’ (by investing most hours of the day in paying full attention to taking in and giving out what society demands when it comes to jobs, social activities, money, stuff and information,  gets in the way of personal  ‘transformation’?

What if…
that gets then in the way of collective transformation, the evolution of human consciousness?

What if…
deep down, we all know that that is what we came here for, to both contribute to and experience?

What if….
we know that producing copies, of copies, of copies, where any off-spring gets half of the mother’s material and half of the father’s material isn’t better….. but of less and lesser quality?

What if….
the natural normal love-life cycle is … a full day of making ‘ love’ ?  Every day. 24/7.

What if … 
you think right now: ‘ But that is impossible’! I have other things I really have to attend to!

What if…..
that red alert thought would be a fine example of how either… or … -decision making paterns can get in the way of seeing good/better oppertunities.

What if.. .
you were to apply ‘ both… and… ‘ thinking on this idea that both men and women already seem to know and practise, day in day out……24/7

what IS existentially important IS 24 hours a day on your human consciousness radar

(without having to necessarily act upon every impulse in your MIND all the time)

What if … 
this following scenario would be much closer to the epigenetic truth on the developments of life?

-----

Sketching out a possibility of long term living together as life partners scenario that honours this 24 hour love-making-thing.
As an innvitation to play with.

By the way…. If you think invitation-to-play-with is limited to 1 man and 1 woman….. please, think again.
This is explicitly meant to also mean one person relating to one person of any gender…..
Whereby it is most meaningful when that includes… one person relating to..... itself!
(the yin (female)  and yang (male) energy- partnership within).

From that experienced understanding then extrapolating from any 1-on-1 to 1-on-many long term relationships in your every day life

This is the suggestion:

Take time to touch life regularly in short ‘ ‘sessions’ throughout the day ( every day) .. a caress, a smile, a look with appreciation (small moments of connection, where physical and meta-physical both meets and bonds, with both full attention and a touch of action)

Men need a lot of touch (- of-action) to feel well  and…..
Women need to feel the bond is strong to feel well and ‘read’ the mood from clues in the unseen, detect patterns in a sequence of individual occurrences…

The yang energies need ‘to disconnect’ regularly, to be experience being entirely 'yang' for a while.
The yin energies need to connect regularly, to experience being entirely 'yin' for a while.
Both men and women have these yin and yang energies, just in different ratios.
Both energy have two 'time-tables'. that are similar ( but probably not ' the same')

• They need high frequent regular short stints, of a few minutes and
• They need less frequent, quality longer stints too.

I know my yang enegy starts to complain in unmistakeble (agressive) terms about the the way things go if I don't disconnect consciously from all activities ' for others' / ' with others' for a couple of hours at least every three days, so my 'yang' can run free and experiecen life, while awake.

Just disconnnecting from everything while asleep, is not satisfying the 'running mad at top capacity action' needs of this energy enough. It is like keeping your working class dog only in the house of the lead and walk it only for a couple of minuscule 5 minute walks ... on a good day.....see what your carpet and door look like after a while.....see what ways the dog invents to ' get your attention for his needs'.....

When those needs are structurally twarted however, pure frustrated yang and/or pure frustrated yin energy burst out at some point in time... and when not ' held in check' ( by providing what they need) , they are both devasting the good nature, well behaviour and healthy habits and being....human.

I know my own internal yang enegy starts to complain in unmistakeble terms about the the way things go if I don't disconnect consciously from all activities ' for others' / ' with others' for a couple of hours at least every three days.

I know my yang energy starts to interfere in the very same unmistakabel ways when socializing event take more than 4 hours and there are no breaks in between.

I love my yang energy, it is the powefull engine behind all clear thinking, seeing things from another perspective , breaking issue down to their essence. So I choose to care very much for 'his' needs.

Then, on some point during the day (based on my rhythm and flow, I’d recommend.. the evening), the man shares all of his true colours of the day to the woman. ‘Male communication’, full self-expressed love on a vibe of shared joy: giving, sharing, pleasing, pleasuring. His purpose and aim is to ejaculated his ‘output’ for the day, without holding anything back, a good shot of all tiny little lively seeds of his experiences......which she receives as ‘ input’ .

This may, bus does not have to contain sperm.

This may, but does not have to contain words.

This may, but does not have include any physical contact. 

It surely will be the energetical harvest of the day, the result of the hunt, the provision for the family, the release of all experiences, surrendering them actively, with full loving intention, to go 'swim'  into the womb of ‘The Universe’, where one (or a few) will succeed to fertilize the 'egg' that has ripened in the last 24 hours on her experiences, coming from the ovaries human consciousness.

When the woman orgasms in a meta-physical sense (resonates on the highest frequency of full ‘being’ with his ‘coming’ …)…..

which may or may not include a  contraction of body-parts….. 

...the seeds of the male’s experiences are sucked high into the reproductive systems of human consciousness. That’s why it is programmed that he ‘comes first’, he has got to make the ‘ first thing moving’, both in a meta-physical as well as a procreation-physical way.

Then, like pregnancy takes time to develop, new ideas start to develop.
They are born, usually in the early hours of the next day. But, like with 'babies' delivery times for 'new ideas' can occur during the day too.
Often 1 healthy new idea comes ‘out’, sometimes twins, or triplets, coming ‘out’ in a sequence in a couple of hours. 

(The woman can’t do, much else, when giving labour to an idea…but usually, unlike the offspring with physical (large!) heads, these pop out of her inner being, into the cradle of her MIND within seconds)

The woman will want to share this pleasure with the father of the ideas.
"Look what we have made!"
Conceiving it and bringing it into the world is her highest most joyfull contribution to life.
“Caress it. Play with it. Protect it. Provide it, with me, with what it needs to develop .”
She will share the pleasure of this ‘new consciousness’.
And yes, that is in her own interest.....

But don't stop there in horror thinking it must therefor be at your loss.... (applying either...or thinking).

This new idea has the capacity to enrich the father's life too, on the fundamental level of developing his consciousness of what it means to him to be a human being.

And yes, it is not fully ' his' database that has been consulted to construct this new idea with.

And yes, most of the expriences he supplied are not taken 'seriously' into account in the development of this new idea.

For those guys who get angry now, feeling a brewsed ego hurting by the thought of not being the 'top dog' in the pack you feel a real providing man you should be reading this observation on how women do value your stream of bold plans, impressive thoughts, advices, opinions and other input you pour into 'her' ( life) .....

He, you don't mind spilling millions of sperm cells a couple of times a day who have the very same fate..... saying:" He girl, if you don't turn them all  (or even for the most part) into our babies, than I'll close the tap, I'll go out of service with you... see where I can invest my seeds with a higher investment return.....

You wanted a conscious say in which mental sperm cell (opinion/plan/idea) should be favored the honor of fertilizing her experiences of the day?

Ha, her conscious mind  doesn't even have a huge say in that. The egg ripens on all her experiences, consicous and subconscious observations of the day. Remember.... she pick up , with her female brain, so many signs in the seen and the unseen with a preoccupation on wellbeings signs! This egg now is attracting on Universal Intelligence the one 'sperm', the one experience that came into her ( from the outside), that serves the complete energy pattern best. And that... happens to be very much in touch with which (new) idea would serve the development of the whole community she feels is 'hers' best, right now.  And you, pal.....happen to be included in that.

On the other hand,... if you really do want to have an active say in which type of your experiences and mental constructs will do the fertilizing job on the evolution of consciousness in human beings ... feeling a major responsibility to provide the best you have to offer to your partner(s) and your offspring ......make sure you do the necesarry to increase their aliveness. Hint: the more truth your action contain, the more alive they are, the quicker they swim......the more healthy choices you execute, the healthier and stringer they are.....

This process of being introduced to her produce, may or may not involve words, may or may not involve giving sexual pleasure to the male body…this is roles reversed now…. she gives what she has got to share with all her heart, coming from her complete being. He'd be wise to take that in as input, for the day, with full attention. When he ‘get’s lucky’ ( pays about 3 minutes of full pumped up interest) he will orgasm too (resonate with it on the very same highest frequency of joy meta-physically and… you never know… maybe even physically ;-))

Rinse and repeat.  

Which should, biochemically be no problem what so ever.

Resonating on joy of being, together, on the mutual best you have got to offer, right now, is the magical spice of life that makes it all worth living. That fuels the addiction to life to want more of where this came from, every day. Well, this came from sharing all your consciousness.

A woman shall however very quickly pick up on any ( life threatening) signs that she and her offspring are not provided for very well enough as a family unit, to survive:        

• not taken active notice of on a regular, normal life sustaining frequent bases
• not being supplied with enough full attention,
• not being acted upon obvious needs to wellbeing of the  family,
• not having daily all the fresh experiences openly shared,
•  ‘ nothing is moving’ ….. the  aliveness  of the input is not detected
  ( the signs of that are so obvious to a woman)
• ‘’thing are moving’ …. but in the wrong direction.. not for the better of the wellbeing of this whole family
  (the signs of that are so obvious to a woman) 

So, she will pick up on the subtle ( let alone the less subtle) signals that something isn’t quite right concerning the wellbeing of all involved….a.k.a. the relation.
She will notice that fairly soon, since she’s very sensitive to ‘ the relational quality of what comes back in’.

In a modern day life, revolving around ‘work’-that-needs-doing in order to gain life sustenance, all the meta-physical off-spring babies of the happy early days in the relationship have been miscarried, given up for adoption to whom-it-may-concern or smothered straight away in a pillow of ‘ not now, we’ve got other, more important things to develop that need our attention today’.
Or even….sliced it’s throat on the first glance figuring ‘ I don’t recognise this as my own offspring’ …with a suspicious undercurrent… who is the source of this… I’m pretty sure it wasn’t me.

Some days the woman human being is too busy with other things to tend to and really care for his meta-physical part of life, other days the man, many days….. both.

The overall pattern…… all parties are frustrated about the love making :

• he is worried she goes elsewhere,  
• he feels he’s not allowed to ‘ be lucky’ every day,
• she knows he isn’t with her, the relationship and their offspring as a priority,
• she knows about his dissatisfaction about this all
•  she knows he is harming her chances of bringing  healthy offspring into this world and be a good mother for them, as well as being a wonderful inspiring partner for him
• And she knows there is something wrong on a fundamental level of the relation
• And so she is not in the mood to be relaxed and open to him
• And both are indicating how things can turn for the better, but he doesn’t ‘get’ her signals and she doesn’t ‘get’ his.
• They try to ‘ have sex’ nevertheless  in an attempt to ‘repair things’ by doing things that are known were a pleasurable, physical activity as part of the process . Trying both to derive pleasure from sending and receiving pleasure at the same time.. which is like desperately trying to tell two different stories simultaneously without actually listening to each other…..

But, the actual story was  already told throughout the day, well received and understood.
And had little to do with experiencing the joy of life.

The message that has already been exchanged is that the making love attempts have already ‘ failed’ throughout the day.

One mis-conception then leads to another, in the meta-physical realms of understanding.

Making love is not an act, not one act that takes ‘some time’ during the day.
Making love is a process that takes 24 hours each day.
Making love always has the purpose to produce healthy developing offspring, that needs nurturing and taking care of in both emotional and physical ways.

Sometimes a new human being as a representative of the next generation of human beings.
But always, every single day that goes by, within the current generation of human beings developing.

Making life, isn’t done on enough and high frequent ‘ input’ and ‘ output’ alone.
It needs good quality, enough and high frequent ‘transformation’ in between, made with love, with full attention.

My conclusion, would be .. yet again.. to individually, whether man or woman, as a couple and as a collective of mankind… re-consider this collectively agreed on pre-occupation with  physical  ‘input’ and’ output’ (money….’stuff….. image/profile’) for the ‘ future’ as what makes life work and worth while and dedicate more ( more frequently, more consciously) time , energy and attention to what ‘transformation’ requires, right where you are.

Shuffling money, information and stuff around can obviously have a useful place in life.

But when you have lived your life filling up many, many days with only that and (as a result of this choice) you haven’t grown any wiser about the joy of being a human being than when you started being (urgently invited by parents and peers to be) pre-occupied with this outside-world appearance copying act.. you’ll be notified that something essential has definitely been missing for a long while.

P.S.  I wrote another blog post that was inspired on insights from this book.
You'll find it here.